I just got a chance to break and go walk outside this morning. It's amazing to me that the time I spend standing apart of creation and breathing the air makes me feel closer to God.

I was thinking the other evening outside on the back porch. Maybe I was just listening. Prior feelings had left me feeling detached and disinterested in christianity... I know that it's not that I lost interest and love who God is to me, but I felt that everything that I loved...hiking, painting or writting songs felt so forced when I tried to consciously tie my religion into it. I listened to some music that really made me stop and let it all go. I realized that those john wayne stories or the climbing everest stories, Those stories of leaving to chase after your heart longing must be of God. Not head knowledge though. I've heard the nonsense and I've read the wild at hearts' but nothing seemed more genuine than just being alive and learning to give myself up to what is embedded deep inside me. Trusting that it will all play out for the better and people will find peace when they are ready. I think i just understood that it was ok to stop and just do what calls me deeply.