For the longest time I have been able to think that I am good. That I have some great understanding or gift to bless people with. Some arrogant thing to believe. What I've come to see is that my heart is desperately broken. I dont have anything to give. I never have had anything to give. I convinced myself that I can earn security and love from people and especially God. Am I destined to drive those closest to me to the point of giving up and then regret it afterwards? I always push away the people I love the most. I think that I can somehow earn their affection and its killing me inside. I sabatoge relationships. Oh i need him close right now. I dont know what to do.