"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"

"as the music at the banquet
as the wine before the meal
as the firelight in the night
so are you to me

as the ruby in the setting
as the fruit upon the tree
as the wind blows over the plains
so are you to me

as the wind blows over the plains
so are you to me
so are you to me"


-eastmountainsouth

these are my arms and my heart.
like a broken rose...

These are my eyes
they are emptied and blind.
But oh this ache in my hand,
is healed by yours.
the leaves that fall resound in grace.
They remind me of surrender
to gravity...to hope...to seasons again.
because they know nothing else but this...

As do I know nothing else but you.
so much so that your hands make me feel,
your eyes make me see
and your heart makes me love again.

For the longest time I have been able to think that I am good. That I have some great understanding or gift to bless people with. Some arrogant thing to believe. What I've come to see is that my heart is desperately broken. I dont have anything to give. I never have had anything to give. I convinced myself that I can earn security and love from people and especially God. Am I destined to drive those closest to me to the point of giving up and then regret it afterwards? I always push away the people I love the most. I think that I can somehow earn their affection and its killing me inside. I sabatoge relationships. Oh i need him close right now. I dont know what to do.

sometimes praying is so hard.

神 造 萬 物 ， 各 按 其 時 成 為 美 好 ， 又 將 永 生 （ 原 文 是 永 遠 ） 安 置 在 世 人 心 裡 。 然 而 　 神 從 始 至 終 的 作 為 ， 人 不 能 參 透 。

Ecclesiastes 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

I've never liked change. The funny thing is, i am terrified of monotony as well. As always, a new season of change is setting up shop in my quaint little life. I'm being pushed into a place where I am not comfortable. Something sick inside me wells up and fights against growth with bitterness. This wonderful mercy is welcomed by my resistence. In the recent past I have been learning to be ok with geographic change. To pick up and move to a new area, living as full as I can. The past few weeks I have been losing some of the dearest people in my life. You know, life has happened and we've pour ourselves into it. Deep emotional change. I am trying to let go.

"In China, one woman kills herself every four minutes. Every year, 1.5 million women attempt to take their own lives, and a further 150,000 succeed in doing so.The problem is worse in rural areas, where the suicide rate is three times higher than in the cities."
-BBC World News


They need no pity or religion. They need Jesus. They need his love. I am overwhelmed and can hardly stand it.
My heart beats out of my chest for those who have no hope. Please pray for those whose hearts are so broken.